You are watching: Why is my ex so mean when he broke up with me
“Why is my ex so median to me? What did ns do?”
You may have actually asked yourself this prior to (or space still asking it, since you’re reading this article right now).
Exes deserve to be a confuse arena to navigate, particularly if they’re being complicated to attend to afterthe breakup as soon as you’ve cut off most contact. It deserve to be especially confusing once they’re being mean; things in between the two of you are done, therefore why are they exhilaration this way?
It’s time to prevent going around in one in your head, wonder what girlfriend did wrong; let’s enter 11 factors why your ex is median to you.
1) lock still have actually feelings for you
A large reason why her ex is typical to friend is the they still have actually feelings for you.
You can be reasoning that that makes zero sense. But if friend think around it, it’s a organic reaction to having actually feelings for someone you’re not permitted to to express feelings towards anymore.
They’re feeling things that lock don’t desire to feel, for this reason they take it out on you due to the fact that they think the that’s your fault (especially if you’re the one who initiated the breakup).
They can be dissatisfied in a new relationship and now they want you back. Or they’re solitary and wishing girlfriend guys can rekindle what you when had. This might reason them to become bitter and hence their mean mindset towards you.
But what if girlfriend felt the same?
There is miscellaneous you have the right to do to get reunite through your ex. Not to go back to the same partnership you as soon as had, however to begin a new, far better relationship.
To carry out this, girlfriend only require to readjust the emotions that associates through you and make him picture what a brand brand-new relationship v you would look like.
In hisexcellent brief video, James Bauer offers you a step-by-step an approach for ladies who desire to readjust the means their ex feels around them. The reveals the texts you have the right to send and things you have the right to say the will cause deep feelings within him.
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Because once you repaint a new picture about what her life together might be like, his average comments will come to be a point of the past and you can end up developing the partnership you’ve constantly dreamt of.
Watch his excellent cost-free video here.
2) They want to obtain your attention
If they desire you earlier and you’ve decided that pressing that “delete contact” switch was final, they could be acting out as a method to acquire you to communicate with them again.
They could be reasoning that the an ext they keep themselves in her life, the much more you’ll reconsider getting ago into a relationship with them.
Maybe they’re testing the waters, as well — stirring the pot to watch if you’ll take it the bait since that might send the article that friend still care around them. They desire to watch what you’ll door exactly how you’ll feel if you talk to lock again.
Also, they could be missing you — they’re absent the fist you gave them, so they’ll execute anything to obtain that attention back, also if it means being median to you.
3) They’re in the “anger” part of the stages of grief
There’s no precise order for how people should move on indigenous things since everyone has their very own pace and also ways of obtaining through a breakup.
That gift said, the ide of the five stages that grief has actually been supplied to label the different stages in recovering from something that has hurt you; perhaps your ex is mean to you since they’re in the “anger” component of the cycle.
The five stages space denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and also acceptance.
Although lock don’t necessarily need to be competent in order (you could ping pong and also go in circles between the 5 if that’s what your procedure looks like), it’s common to suffer at the very least one in ~ a time. Maybe your ex is just mean since they’re stuck in that circle that breakup-hell.
In a breakup context, they could be angry because they’ve realized the they deserve an ext from a relationship and are currently mad in ~ themselves also — yet of course, they’ll be most likely to pin it on you and also express that by being mean.
4) What would certainly a gifted advisor say?
Break ups are always messy and it’s only natural to have a the majority of questions.
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For example, you could find yourself wondering why your ex is exhilaration in this way? need to you try to get back together or relocate on through your life?
So can getting some outside guidance help?
During a really an overwhelming break up, I found that speaking to a gifted torture from Kasamba to be super helpful.
She was kind, understanding, and really insightful.
My love reading provided me the guidance ns was looking for (and needed) throughout a painful and confusing time.
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Not just will you uncover out why her ex is dealing with you the means they are, yet the reading deserve to reveal all her love possibilities.
5) They’re still hurting end the breakup
Your ex could still be mad in ~ you due to the fact that they’re tho hurt over losing you; they’re making use of their anger to shield us from their sadness.
Think of that this way. They shed the human who was supposed to love castle the most. That hurts, whether they to be the dumper or the dumped.
Naturally, losing that human would make them angry and also mean because they could be feeling betrayed because of promises the 2 of you could have made to each various other before.
They could also be made from old trauma or the factor for the breakup.
If you hurt each various other (especially if you’re the one that hurt them), they could still it is in holding ~ above anger from what occurred — explaining why castle still median to you also after you’ve damaged up.
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6) They’re jealous
If you’re date someone new, there’s a large chance your ex is typical to you due to the fact that they’re jealous.
At one point, the two of you probably thought you’d be together forever. Currently that you’re mirroring them the it won’t happen anymore, it might be fanning the betrayal flames.
They’ll also want to one-up whoever you’re datingto show you that they’re the far better choice, and also if the isn’t working, it’s even an ext cause because that them to be mad at and also mean come you.
7) They’re pretending to be over you
This is a see-through tactic for the post-breakup struggle; if they’re mean to you, they can be pretending to be over you.
They’re deflecting any type of lingering feeling they have actually onto you, the topic of those feelings, who they can’t seem to stop thinking about.
To overcompensate, they currently act favor they’re mad— and also they can even be mad in ~ themselves due to the fact that they recognize they’re just pretending to more than it and also it could not be working.
8) They’re stressed about the breakup
Of course, you could not directly be the factor that they’re median to you. It’s possible that they’re simply stressed out about the situation as a whole and also are picking to take it it the end on girlfriend because, in your heads, you led to this stress.
This is especially feasible in an ext serious relationships when the two of you have actually been entangled in too countless things; execute you have any joint accounts that you have to close? any rent payments for her apartment the you now have to figure out?
All the these other factors could be making lock anxious, therefore if her ex is average to you, it can be since they’re upset about the situation.
9) They’re guilty around the breakup
In psychology, there’s a defense system calledreaction formationwhich happens as soon as you refer the the opposite of what you’re feeling due to the fact that you desire to cover up what you’re actuallyfeeling.
In this case, if they’re guilty around the breakup, they could be do the efforts to pick a fight with you since they desire to push away your guilt.
Maybe they were the ones that cheated, or lock regretted just how they instantly asked you to relocate out after ~ the breakup. If there are feelings the guilt the they can’t obtain rid of, they might be mean to you to cover it up.
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10) castle feel favor you’re not getting the message
If you’ve to be trying to get them come come earlier to you, they can be average on function to shake girlfriend off. This could be their method of making that clear the they reallydon’t want to provide your relationship one more shot.
They can be extra-mean to break your denial balloon if girlfriend still haven’t welcomed that the relationship has actually ended.
If you’re tho chasing ~ them due to the fact that you still want them back, they can feel favor you’reholding castle backfrom gift happy and resent that. This is most likely a frustrating instance for them, therefore it’d describe why they’re gift mean.
11) castle don’t desire to pains you
Now it reallydoesn’t make sense at first, right?
It actually does when you think about it, since maybe they’re being mean and trying to pick a fight so the they’renot the ones who hurt you; now, the rigid is the you hurt each other.
If they desire to store their hand clean as soon as it comes to the pains they’ve caused, they might want come level the scale by goading you right into hurting them earlier so the to them, the doesn’t feel choose they pains you.
If they choose a fight and you struggle back, castle can think about themselves to be a victim too.
There room two ways this deserve to go, relying on what you desire to execute next.
Do you desire to get ago together with them or do you desire to end things once and also for all?
If you desire to get earlier together, show them that you’ve improved and have become a better person now. Possibly they’re mean to you since they desire you to think it’s over and they desire it to be over because they broke up through you for a reason.
But if you’ve changed for the much better since then and also you want them come reconsider getting back with you, show them what they’re lacking and store your fingers crossed.
And if this is the case, i recommend acquisition James Bauer’s advice. He knows the the solution isn’t returning to what you as soon as had, however creating something even better.
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He’ll offer you distinct tips to victory your ex ago and produce a partnership that offer both of you, placing love and also commitment at the facility of the all.
Click below to clock his excellent free video.
But if you desire to rest it off for good, stop taking the bait. Don’t fight fire with fire.
Decide that you’re done and give each other the spaceyou must cool off any kind of unresolved negative feelings. Possibly this could even lead to you ceasing call altogether; if that’s something girlfriend want, save a safe distance from the fire and also be all set with an extinguisher to placed it out.
Like we said, exes are complex — yet they don’t need to be. Pay attention to their behavior and eventually, you’ll figure out once and also for all why they’re being average to you.
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